My mom passed away at the end of November almost 30 years ago, and I didn’t realize how that was what was affecting me each year. Fall is such a nostalgic time anyway – crisp air, burning leaves, high school football games, they all remind me of growing up. Once I realized why I was feeling blue, it has been okay. Now I “own” it, and it has been something I recognize each year, which has helped me work through things when I do feel that way.
This fall is full of changes – first fall by myself in awhile. As a friend and I were discussing yesterday, the holidays are coming up, and I am actually looking forward to them. I love getting together with my family – the emails are already flying back and forth about when we’ll be celebrating Christmas together in St. Clair. That was perhaps one of the biggest issues between me and Dave, from my viewpoint – he really did not want to spend much time with my family. And it wasn’t anything about my family in particular, he liked them just fine - he admittedly wasn’t close to his own family either, and just truly didn’t feel comfortable in family gatherings. So it was a struggle to agree upon which holidays he would travel with me; many of our visits were shorter than I would have preferred, because I would compromise on coming late/leaving early, in order for him to go with me. I just always felt the pull between the two – wanting to spend time with my family, but also wanting to keep peace in our relationship. While I will hate to be single at the holidays this year, I won’t miss that part of it at all.
What else is new – well, I start my photography class at the local community college this Thursday night. I’ve really been looking forward to it. I took a couple of two hour classes at the store where I bought my camera, and this is an 8 week class with that same instructor. I’m such a nerd, but I’m actually very excited about having “homework” that he will assign to us, and having him critique our photos.
Another challenge is that I’m starting a diet, or cleanse, for the next month plus... Cutting out sugars in my diet – it is a candida (yeast) cleanse, more specifically. I love sweets, I crave sugar, and I actually halted most of my sweets when Dave and I first split up. I actually halted a lot of my eating in general at that point, and didn’t have much of an appetite for several weeks. That’s how I react to stress, I don’t eat. Now that I’m starting to do better, my appetite is back, and my penchant for sweets has returned in full force! I’ve had my weakness, Pillsbury three times in the last two weeks.
And I can tell, my body can tell, the negative effects of all the sugar again. I need to really curb it, for multiple reasons – the first one is that I had lost a lot of that belly fat around my waist, and it is starting to come back. But the other reason is that sugar can allow the bad bacteria to grow out of control in our bodies, which in turn causes yeast and other fungal infections. I did this several years ago, on a less stringent level, and it did help. So I’m trying it again, this time armed with more information. We’ll see how I do. The primary items that I can eat are chicken, fish, green/non-starchy vegetables, eggs, milk, some seeds and nuts, oatmeal and other limited grains. Very little fruit, NO sugar, NO processed foods, NO alcohol and NO coffee. I'm cheating on the coffee a bit, but will mainly drink decaf.
This is day two, and I was REALLY craving some sweets this afternoon, but didn't give in. I was cringing in my office, listening to a couple of coworkers talking about these yummy Weight Watchers pumpkin muffins, and several other goodies. Should be a challenging several weeks, on many levels!