HAPPY!

"Sir, it is surprising how many people will go to a distance for what they may have at home."  — Samuel Johnson


This was today’s quote in a daily email I receive from the author of a book titled “The Happiness Project”… When I was en route to Honduras for my birthday trip in April of last year, I noticed a girl in the airport, reading a book that caught my eye. I filed the title away in my mind (as opposed to the list I actually keep on my smart phone, of books that I want to read – yes, I DO have one of those, and you fellow readers will appreciate that!) and then again saw the book a few weeks later, at Barnes & Noble.

“The Happiness Project”, by Gretchen Rubin, is her accounting of a year-long project that she started after realizing that she was not truly enjoying her life, and all that she had. It wasn’t that she didn’t LOVE the things in her life, but she (like most of us) realized she wasn’t “living in the moment” and making the most of what she did have. So Rubin picked an area of her life to focus on each month - whether it was her work, relationship with her husband, her time with her children -and really focused on identifying what made her happy, and what she could do differently to better appreciate things.

Sound interesting?? Check it out here - I can’t adequately explain and do her project justice, especially since I don’t have the book here in front of me. But I walked out of B&N with it that June day, and started reading it, preparing to start my own Happiness Project.

Then the bottom of my life dropped out in July, and I found myself someplace that I hadn’t expected to be – single, again, at age 40. And at that point my Happiness Project was put on the back burner, as I dealt with the changes in my life. But this time was different – (A little backstory: my now-ex and I had separated once before, and were planning to divorce at that time as well, but then reconciled after three months apart. And I didn’t handle our break-up/separation very well- too much time on my hands = too much time out on the town, and just not taking care of myself. Not in a good place.)

But, as I said - this time was different - and seven months ago I was in a better place, emotionally, spiritually and just with myself, in general. I’ve said that I have never felt God at work in my life as much as I have over the last three years, in just the little things, and I truly, truly believe that to be the case. My faith has continued to grow, and He has continued to bless me, and has helped me to handle anything that comes my way.

Over the past seven months I’ve had time to heal and process things, and have come to realize and admit that things were not what they should have been in my marriage, for either of us, and that we are and will both be happier not married to each other.

And as I was busy adjusting to the changes in my life, I agreed to let a friend give my name/number to a friend of his – and was fixed up on the first blind date that I had been on in a very long time. A blind date that went amazingly well for both of us, I’m happy to say, and I’m excited about what the future holds.

Is my life perfect? No, but I’m happy. And on Valentine’s Day this year, I look back and think about where I was this time last year – and I had no idea that it would be the year it has been, good and bad. But I choose to be happy, and I hope the same for you! I’ll end today’s post with a quote too, --- one of my very favorite quotes, by Carlos Castaneda:

“The trick is what one emphasizes. We either make ourselves miserable or we make ourselves happy. The amount of work is the same.”

Happy Valentine's Day!

Christmas in PB

My Christmas Eve/Day was spent in Poplar Bluff this year - the first time I've been away from Springfield on Christmas in many years.   Since our Gasaway family Christmas is always the weekend before or after the actual holiday, I always let Jace's dad have his preference of when Jace is with him on Christmas.  That way they can make all of their visits to Jace's family on his dad's side.  One of the traditions that Dave and I had started in recent years was to take the boat out on the lake - always beautiful to be out on the water, in the warm enclosed boat cabin, enjoying the peaceful lake on Christmas Day.  This year, knowing that I wouldn't want to be alone on Christmas, I decided that I would make plans to spend the weekend with my grandparents and parents, in Poplar Bluff.   And it was SUCH a nice way to spend the holiday!

Brian made the trip with me on Friday morning, but drove separately so he could head home on Saturday afternoon for his family's Christmas that evening.  We arrived early Friday afternoon, and just relaxed and visited with my grandparents and parents, before we all headed to dinner at a local Italian restaurant.

Later that evening, we headed over to my cousin Krista and David's home for a bit, to visit with them.  They were getting ready for their big annual Christmas Eve party - but since Brian would be gone by Saturday night, I wanted him to meet them while he was still there.  On Saturday morning I got up bright and early to see if Grandpa wanted to have an early breakfast at his favorite hangout, Myrtle's.

Grandpa and me - ready for breakfast

Grandpa is a well known community member in Poplar Bluff and at Myrtle's, a cafe in historic downtown Poplar Bluff.  I've enjoyed going with him a few times over the last several years  (although he loves to rib me and say that it is mainly because one of  the younger law enforcement guys once thought I was about 22 or 23, wearing my baseball cap one morning.  I was 35+ at the time, so yes, I did enjoy that compliment!)  But it really is just enjoyable to go with Grandpa and get to see him interact with all of the folks he knows in Poplar Bluff.  He grew up in PB, and then later came back in the 90s to serve as city manager for several years.  I'm very proud to be his granddaughter, and just like to spend time with him around others.   My dad and Brian joined us for breakfast at Myrtle's, and then we went home and picked up Mom and Grandmother to head to second breakfast at Perkins.

Before Brian left on Saturday we looked around Poplar Bluff a bit, while picking up the Saturday newspaper for Grandpa.  I thought to grab my camera as we headed out the door, but didn't bring my long lens or my tripod - will remember that next time, never know when or where you might find a good photo.  Brian spotted an old railroad bridge, and we headed down to park closer to it so I could take some photos.

When we got home Grandpa said he had some other buildings and landmarks that he would like me to get some photos next time I visited..   I  enjoyed a quiet afternoon at my grandparents, and then we headed  to their church for the candlelight Christmas Eve service.  

Hanging with my cousins

The Christmas Eve gathering afterwards at Krista and David's was lots of fun - I got to catch up with them, and also my cousin Kyle.  I had seen them all when Grandpa had his heart surgery, but it was good to see them in much better circumstances.  There were also some relatives on their side of the family that I hadn't seen in years.   And Dad, Mom and my grandparents all stayed for quite awhile and enjoyed the festivities - although Dad was ready to go to bed towards the end of the evening, and not enamored with my efforts to capture our photo on my phone!

Me & my dad - say cheese!

Sunday morning Grandmother fixed us breakfast, with some yummy cinnamon rolls, apple strudel, fruit, orange juice and of course, coffee.  I always bring my own coffee to brew, and this weekend was no exception - they know I want to enjoy my Sinless Pastry even when I'm not at home!  We sat around the table in our comfy clothes and visited for awhile and then I leisurely packed to hit the road and head home to Springfield.

It was a great weekend, and I was so glad to be able to spend the holiday with them - Grandpa and Grandmother always join us for Gasaway Christmas in St. Clair, but it was nice to be with them at their home and spend some time catching up.  Grandmother said we should make it a tradition, and I may just do that, if they'll have me!

Now I'm finishing up this post while in the car with Jace, Brian and Brian's 3-year-old Daniel, headed to our family Christmas in St. Clair.  All of us siblings have been texting back and forth this morning, getting each other's ETA at the ranch.  The weather is gorgeous, and all of the nephews (and niece) will be able to enjoy spending time inside AND outside - pretty nice plan, for late December.

Progress...

Last Thursday was week three of eight of my photography class, and I’m really enjoying it. The funny thing is that I know two out of the seven students in the class with me. One guy, Jason, was in my scuba class back in February; the other, Eric, is the husband of one of my junior high school friends, Leslie. Turns out he is a photography buff, and some of the photos on her fabulous blog are courtesy of his photography skills – in particular all of the ones of them in Florida, on the header of her blog. It has been nice to have a friend in class, and to get to know him a little better.


We have our “homework” for the class, and approximately four more weeks in which to complete it. Our instructor, Joe, gave us a handout with “The Rules” for our ten photos – I won’t belabor the specifics, but basically we have to use all manual settings on the camera, and shoot the following:

1.) Statue

2.) Animal

3.) Motion

4.) Portrait

5.) Scenic

6.) Fire

7.) Water

8.) Self Portrait (document method used)

9.) Night Photo

10.) Low light with flash

I’m excited, but nervous. There is a wide range of experience in our class – some of the students have been taking photos for awhile. Me, I barely know the top of the camera from the bottom. Ok, not that bad, but still. We will each bring and display our ten photos on the last night of class… and Joe’s last directive on the rules was “Be Creative” – yikes! It is funny, though – I find myself being a lot more observant about everything around me, and often thinking “That would be a great shot”. And we haven’t even hit composition in class yet. I’m looking forward to that lesson, and think it will give me a lot more to work with, skill-wise.

Tomorrow night I will be watching the Cards play at my friend Laura’s house, with a group of people – let’s hope they play better than last night- geez. Hopefully they’ll be more on task back in their hometown. In other news, I had a lunch date today, and it was very enjoyable. It was actually the third time we’ve been out, after being fixed up on a blind date by a mutual friend early last week. First time I’ve ever been “successfully” fixed up with someone… that whole matchmaker thing usually doesn’t work out well, at least it hasn’t for me. But he is a great guy, and in a similar situation to mine – has been a very nice experience, so far.

I will be a cowgirl again on Saturday night, for a Halloween party/bonfire, with the above-mentioned guy. Glad to get to wear my hat again, get my money’s worth this year!

As weekends go, this past one was pretty darn nice! Nothing big happened, a fairly quiet weekend, but very refreshing to just be outside working in the yard on Saturday and taking a walk with the dogs on Sunday. Fall is in the air. I love fall. Ok, I love fall, sometimes. But this is also the time of year that I find myself feeling melancholy; it took me several years (and yes, some therapy) to realize why, unconsciously, I was feeling this way. This was the time of year that I would always have more difficulties with my relationship with husband #1, and while in the middle of marriage counseling I did figure part of my issues out. (The marriage counseling wasn’t as successful, obviously, but there were other issues at work there.)

My mom passed away at the end of November almost 30 years ago, and I didn’t realize how that was what was affecting me each year. Fall is such a nostalgic time anyway – crisp air, burning leaves, high school football games, they all remind me of growing up. Once I realized why I was feeling blue, it has been okay. Now I “own” it, and it has been something I recognize each year, which has helped me work through things when I do feel that way.

This fall is full of changes – first fall by myself in awhile. As a friend and I were discussing yesterday, the holidays are coming up, and I am actually looking forward to them. I love getting together with my family – the emails are already flying back and forth about when we’ll be celebrating Christmas together in St. Clair. That was perhaps one of the biggest issues between me and Dave, from my viewpoint – he really did not want to spend much time with my family. And it wasn’t anything about my family in particular, he liked them just fine - he admittedly wasn’t close to his own family either, and just truly didn’t feel comfortable in family gatherings. So it was a struggle to agree upon which holidays he would travel with me; many of our visits were shorter than I would have preferred, because I would compromise on coming late/leaving early, in order for him to go with me. I just always felt the pull between the two – wanting to spend time with my family, but also wanting to keep peace in our relationship. While I will hate to be single at the holidays this year, I won’t miss that part of it at all.

What else is new – well, I start my photography class at the local community college this Thursday night. I’ve really been looking forward to it. I took a couple of two hour classes at the store where I bought my camera, and this is an 8 week class with that same instructor. I’m such a nerd, but I’m actually very excited about having “homework” that he will assign to us, and having him critique our photos.

Another challenge is that I’m starting a diet, or cleanse, for the next month plus... Cutting out sugars in my diet – it is a candida (yeast) cleanse, more specifically. I love sweets, I crave sugar, and I actually halted most of my sweets when Dave and I first split up. I actually halted a lot of my eating in general at that point, and didn’t have much of an appetite for several weeks. That’s how I react to stress, I don’t eat. Now that I’m starting to do better, my appetite is back, and my penchant for sweets has returned in full force! I’ve had my weakness, Pillsbury three times in the last two weeks.

And I can tell, my body can tell, the negative effects of all the sugar again. I need to really curb it, for multiple reasons – the first one is that I had lost a lot of that belly fat around my waist, and it is starting to come back. But the other reason is that sugar can allow the bad bacteria to grow out of control in our bodies, which in turn causes yeast and other fungal infections. I did this several years ago, on a less stringent level, and it did help. So I’m trying it again, this time armed with more information. We’ll see how I do.   The primary items that I can eat are chicken, fish, green/non-starchy vegetables, eggs, milk, some seeds and nuts, oatmeal and other limited grains.   Very little fruit, NO sugar, NO processed foods, NO alcohol and NO coffee.   I'm cheating on the coffee a bit, but will mainly drink decaf.

This is day two, and I was REALLY craving some sweets this afternoon, but didn't give in.  I was cringing in my office, listening to a couple of coworkers talking about these yummy Weight Watchers pumpkin muffins, and several other goodies.  Should be a challenging several weeks, on many levels!

Saturday morning and a post in which I catch up on the past couple of weeks...

Who knew just getting up on a Saturday morning, in which I really have nothing big going on, could be so exciting?   I'm just a little giddy this morning -  perhaps in part to my second cup of coffee, I don't know.  But really, it has been two very looonnnngggg weeks at work, and so nice to  have two days at home,  just to get some things done.   I know Jace will sleep in until 10 or so, and my morning started at 7AM, with some coffee and music.  Much of my plan for the day involved outside activities - early morning brisk walk, then perhaps taking some photos (practicing on the aperture settings on my camera) trimming hedges on the side of the house, and also painting the remainder of the front steps.  But I woke up to the sound of rain outside, and it is a cool 53 degrees.  So I'm inside, getting some of the other things done.


Another reason to be so giddy?  I have been working on my bills and I think this is my "extra" paycheck, so I will be able to put a large chunk towards my small remaining credit card balance AND also buy a pair of boots that I've had my eye on... a woman has to have priorities, people!   I have done pretty well on the bills since Dave and I split, I think.  Given that my previous method of budgeting (before "the Daves" - Dave Ramsey, and my Dave) was at times fairly haphazard, this is a big change.  It really was so nice to have him in charge of all of the finances, and I knew what  my allotted money was for each paycheck, and also all the other budget categories if I needed to buy anything for the house, etc. I definitely was spoiled with that - I hate numbers.  If it came as easily to me as grammar and spelling, I'd be home free.  But numbers - what a struggle.


So I have to make SURE this is my extra check, and that I will be on track to pay bills timely if I shift things to the next paycheck... part of me really just wanted to email Dave and ASK him (because I know he could easily look and tell me - he was always so on top of everything, a spreadsheet for every frickin' thing) but I thought "No, I don't need to do that - I can figure it out myself!"... and I can.


I signed the papers for our divorce this week - we agreed on everything, and there is really only one item that we will have to jointly pay off.  So we used the same attorney, and I went on Thursday to sign the papers.  Dave will sign them when he is in next week, and then they'll be filed, and it will be a 30 day waiting period.  It was a rough week, we had an email exchange on Monday that turned ugly on both sides, and I spent the better part of an hour crying in my office.  But we did resolve it, and both of us apologized, and will move on.  I don't think we will be friends in the near future, because there are still a lot of emotions - but I hope eventually we will be.  I know we both care very much what happens to the other, and want each other to be happy. 


We are meeting on Tuesday at the bank to separate accounts, and to take care of a couple of other financial things - it will be the second time I've seen him in two months, and the first time for any extended period of time.  Part of me is worried about it - how I will feel, if I will cry, etc.  But then I also know that this is what needs to happen, to move on.  I made the comment to him this week that I've been trying so hard the last two months to convince myself that "I'm okay", but the thing I am starting to realize is that I'm not going to just be able to pick up and go on like I'm not changed by all of this, because I am.  And I need to honor that, and just figure out how to be okay with NOT being okay for awhile.


So, moving on.  And there has been lots to keep me busy -  some work, some fun.

• Work -  I'm still really liking my job after a year, and actually starting to feel like I KNOW what I'm doing.  I just had a manager of one of my clinics take another job and leave, so I have been extra busy with her clinic.  It is probably my most "high maintenance" clinic, so the docs there are emailing me often, with drama, issues, questions, etc.  Has made for a FUN couple of weeks.
• The Lake - I've missed the lake!  I still have the fortune on my fridge from a few weeks before Dave and I split up... "Boats and water are in your future" - yes, they are, that is one thing that I will have again, at some point, a boat.  I headed down to spend the latter part of Labor Day weekend with friends Jana and Chris, on their boat... it was chilly that Sunday, but so nice to be out on the lake, with the brisk breeze, the sun and some good friends.
• Greater Ozarks Blues Fest last weekend - my cousin Krista came up from PB with her hubby, and they stayed with me Friday and Saturday night.  Soooo much fun on Saturday, we went to the Japanese Festival at Nathanael Greene Park, and then came home to change clothes (it was warmer out than we had anticipated) and just sat on the back deck enjoying a beer and the fall breeze.  Then we headed to the Blues fest about 2pm, enjoyed a beautiful day, even with some rain.  Will have to post some pics of our day.
• My new camera - I bought a DSLR about three months ago, and I love it!  Have taken a couple of classes at the store where I bought it, and getting ready to take a 8-week class at the community college. 
• Jace -  He's back in the swing of things for school, and playing fall ball... I wish he was more conscientious about checking and doing homework every night, but he does okay.  I have to remember he is a 13-year-old boy, and some of this is just par for the course.
• New technology - I am now an iPhone user - bought a slider Blackberry about three months ago, and it performed horribly - slider screen broke, and just generally did not hold up well.  I did love the touch screen, though, and after a brief , very unsatisfying stint with a former Blackberry model I threw in the towel and bought an iPhone 4.  I have to say, I still hate typing on it after two weeks- I liked the tactile keys of the Blackberry... but I do love all of the apps, AND the best part?  The music - it is ON MY PHONE.  How nice is that.... for a music person like I am, to have it all on one device is fabulous.  Wish I had done it sooner.  Have been listening to Pandora on my iPhone all morning, as I sit here and work on the computer.  Sweet!  (Yes. I know I am full of ALL CAPS and "!" this morning, and it is annoying, but I'm just happy to be in that kind of mood!)
• Friends - Thank goodness for my friends.  Gail, Laura, Jana, and some other old and new friends.  One person from my office is also single, and she and I have enjoyed a couple of happy hours after work.  Another friend of Laura's is also going through a divorce, similar situation to mine - he and his wife split up about a month after Dave and I, so it has been good to hang out with him over the past couple of weeks... someone experiencing some of the same feelings that I am, it is good to just be able to talk.

Ok, Jace is up, and there's laundry to be done (Jace) and bathrooms to be cleaned (me).  Off to get some things accomplished on this rainy but wonderful Saturday!

Baby Steps

I set a new record this morning – met my friend Stephanie at 5:45AM for our weekend walk. Of course I’ve been up that early many times on the weekends, but the earliest we ever walk is 6:30 AM. It was still 80 degrees and very muggy this morning, even at that early hour. Steph is starting a new job with the health system where I work, and had to be at orientation by 8:30. So we met early to walk our five miles, and I still have the whole day ahead of me to do all the other weekend things that need to be done.

I’m enjoying my coffee and a little Ray LaMontagne on Pandora, which I just discovered - didn’t even know I had this option on our Blu-Ray DVD player until about two weeks ago… all the music I could ever want! Jace just left to go practice some hitting and fielding with his dad for a hour or so, with junior high baseball tryouts coming up next weekend.

It has, overall, been a good week – a couple of hard days, and some ups and downs in my emotions. I really don’t doubt-logically- that this is the right thing for me, and for us. But it still is hard, when you’ve been with someone for five years. I was accustomed to emailing, texting, talking to Dave at night, even when he was gone during the week. Now there are many nights that I have had a frustrating day at work or I think of something, and then I suddenly realize that I won’t be calling him to tell him about it.

Even with these feelings, I do know that I will get through this, and I will be okay! Although, as a friend of mine said this week – “It is okay to NOT be okay, for awhile.” And I have to remember that. I have a tendency to want to be strong, and be okay NOW – I think what I’m learning, or trying to, is to give myself permission to just feel what I’m feeling… I need to just be “not okay” for awhile, and really work through this, and let myself heal.

“I have a plan for you… Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” - Jeremiah 29:11

I have this verse taped on my computer monitor at work, as a reminder … No, this absolutely isn’t what I had planned for my life – I didn’t want to be getting divorced again, at 40. When I think about that, it is such a blow – to my pride, to my confidence, and more. But I have to remember that God has a plan for me, and I have to continue to be open to it.

I had a great conversation about this with my friend Laura on the way to and from Kansas City last weekend.  In addition to being lots of fun to spend time with, she also has a very strong faith; we've had some great talks about God, life, etc., over the past couple of years.   We talked last weekend about the "little things" that happen in your life - it is easy to chalk these up to coincidence, but as a Christian, I've slowly realized over the last couple of years that the more I'm open to God working in my life, the more I see little- and big- things that show me He is at work.  

I've been praying, and I know God has been with me over the past several weeks - but I haven't actually been to church since Dave left.  I love the contemporary service at my church, and the music is so often what speaks to me - sometimes it is just what I need to hear, for whatever is going on in my life.  But with everything that has happened, I knew that it would be very hard to go, and that I would be very emotional, and just wasn't ready to do that the last several Sundays.  But I am now, and am looking forward to going tomorrow morning.    That makes me think about one of my favorite movies - "What About Bob?" with Bill Murray... " ...baby step onto the elevator... baby step into the elevator... I'm *in* the elevator.... AHHHH!"


I'm taking some "baby steps" here, and it is feeling good.... baby steps...  It is okay to NOT be okay. 

Well, coffee cup is empty and my "To Do" list is beckoning... Heading to the lake tonight for dinner at Fish Tales with Gail and Jace - will be good to catch up with Jana and Chris; and then grilling out with friends tomorrow night.  

Eyes Wide Open (& Still Can't See)

Its Friday - yay!  And I am taking off work a little early this afternoon, which makes it even better.   (And I'm going to KC for a concert tomorrow, but I believe we've already covered that!) However, I do have some work to accomplish today before I leave, and apparently NONE of my three pairs of reading glasses are here at work.  Crap.

I've had 20/20 vision my entire life, although it has been almost two since my last eye exam.  But I've needed to use reading glasses for the last several years... the optometrist says apparently I am a "slow focuser" -- (yeah, yeah, I know. This phrase could have several interpretations... )  However, in this case it means that my eyes have a hard time adjusting when going back and forth from paperwork to the computer screen, etc.  So I tend to get eye strain, headaches, etc. and just do much better with a pair of non-prescription readers.

In the last couple of years I've noticed I've had to start holding the small-print items further away from my face in order to see them, if I don' t have my reading glasses handy.   And of course I also have a hard time keeping track of my glasses (case in point, today)... maybe I should get one of those cords to put them on and wear them around my neck?  Boy, I'll be quite a date for someone at some point, pulling those reading glasses out of my purse to look at the menu.  Nice, huh!?  Way to focus on the positive, I know. 

Ok, back to work, I've seriously considered running over to Target and grabbing another pair for this morning, but I'm just gonna tough it out, only a couple hours left and I'm done for the weekend!

Second-Guessing: A Personal Hangup

Here's our newly renovated game room:

(Still have to paint that lateral file cabinet on the right)

It isn't quite the same as having a huge basement, but we're still pretty happy with the transformation of our third bedroom into a second living area - and no, the new carpet isn't pink, but it does look that way in the picture. Speaking of pictures, I certainly wasn't looking for one of The Godfather, but I couldn't resist when I saw it. This is one of those movies that guys love, and Dave is no exception. Seems like it is always on TV, and I know if Dave sees it on the menu, we'll be watching it. So it was a perfect choice for the room; Jace thinks it is so cool, he now has it as his wallpaper on his phone.

Finishing this room has been fun, and has made me reflect on one of my most frustrating personality traits - and find some satisfaction on having a bit of success with it. Hi, my name is Nancy and I'm a procrastinator. I regularly second-guess my decisions and change my mind. Not about everything, and amazingly, not even really about BIG things. But there are some smaller, less important things that tend to waylay me every time. Looking back on past projects (home projects, not so much at work) it is easy to see my M.O. - if I'm not sure how something will turn out, then I just wait... and wait... and wait. Case in point is the hanging of pictures.

Thinking back on the four houses I've lived in since college, I'm embarrassed to say that I can recall unhung pictures in each home - tucked in corners or closets, or leaning against bare walls for months, and even years. All because I couldn't decide how and where to hang them; so the best decision was - well, no decision. It definitely causes anxiety for me - I mean, what if I hang something on this wall over here, but THEN I find another picture that would go better in this spot? Then I'll have to remove the anchor, patch, repaint, etc. Nope, better just wait until I have all the pictures I'm going to want in this room, and THEN I'll arrange and hang them.

But this time was different. Now, that's not to say that there wasn't some indecisiveness. Just ask Dave, who patiently accompanied me to look at art to hang over the sofa in our living room, after painting and changing our color scheme in that area. I bought one picture, then found another piece at a different store, dragged him there to look at it, almost bought the second one (at the cash register, debit card in hand), but then decided that the first was a better fit. And then I hung it, without having a plan for all the other walls. (Ok, he hung it the first time, I decided it was too high, and then lowered it myself when he was traveling the next week.)

But for the most part, I did just make some decisions and then go with them. The living room isn't quite complete yet, but it is getting there; and more importantly, there are NO pictures leaning against the walls, they're all hung. Success!

Picking Up Speed

I probably should've added "slowly" to the title, because we're not talking about any kind of quick process, on any front of my life right now. It has been a busy week and a half, but also very exciting. I haven't been the new kid at a job in 9+ years, and I had forgotten what it feels like to not know a darn thing! I guess I'm ahead of the game in some respects, since I've been in our health system several years and know a lot of people in key positions and departments. That will serve me well, and it has already been helpful as I've attended meetings with the other directors in my area.

I found myself being coerced (ha - twist my arm!) into going out to lunch four out of five days last week, a killer for my waistline and my wallet. But part of it is just getting to know coworkers - they wanted to take me out for my first day, then one of them turned 50 another day, and I couldn't turn down either one of those just to say that I needed to save money and eat healthy. And on Friday I had lunch with some of my best friends, first time we've met for lunch in months. But this week I'm trying to be better; my goal is to bring my lunch at least three days, AND to get some kind of workout in at least three days as well.

On the workout front, I walked/ran my first 5K last Saturday; it is a girls-only run put on by our system's foundation and fitness centers, and was a record setting event, with 800+ women. Hats off to all you people who are avid runners - it has never been me, but I'm giving it a shot! My friend Gail has been training for this 5K for the last several months, and I've tried to run with her at least once a week. She's able to run the whole 3+ miles at a very slow and steady pace, which I'm not able to do yet. We ran together on Saturday, but I also ran with a former coworker and her group, and found that their method of running was much more suited to my pace. They are training for a half marathon, using the Galloway interval method. So we walked a minute and then ran a minute, the entire way, and I really felt like it was something I could do and improve on. I like the faster run for a minute, and then the alternating recovery time. I'm meeting the training group this Saturday at 6AM, they are going to be running 6 miles - whew! There are apparently various intervals, depending on your skill/endurance level, but I think I will stick with the run 1/walk 1 and see how I do.

Dave's starting back with the P90X this week, it is something he can do while he's on the road. He's also been heading to the driving range some the past couple of weeks, getting his clubs back out again. Neil went with him on Saturday, and they worked on his swing for a couple of hours. It will be a good thing for the two of them to do together.

I made it to my cycling class tonight, first time in three weeks- whew. Now Gail's coming to pick me up and we're going to head the gym and put in a little time on the elliptical, AND catch up on some girl talk as well. Better burn the calories while I can, two workouts in one night - sweet!

In a Nutshell

Good Lord, how long has it been since I've been on here!? Life has been busy the last few weeks, both at home and at work. Today was my first day at the new job, and it was really strange to be the new kid, after so many years in the same place. But the nice thing is that I'm already familiar with quite a bit since it is in the same health system. And of course everyone was great, and really made me feel welcome.

We've been busy at home since returning from vacation, and the next several weekends look just as hectic. We enjoyed our second STL Cards game of the season over the fourth of July weekend, and brought one of Jace's friends with us. The game was disappointing (Brewers won 12-5) but the experience was awesome as always.

We headed to friends' house to celebrate the Fourth, and enjoyed some dinner, cocktails and silliness. See below - Dave is demonstrating his pose for eliminating that pesky double chin that we all seem to get now that we're in our 30s - or our 40s.

I also made a quick trip to Branson with Jace, to see sis Annie and her in-laws, who spend a week every summer in a condo there. We headed down on Wednesday night, and then I had to drive back early the next morning since I only had Thursday and Friday to wrap up and say goodbye at my job. But it was certainly worth the drive and quick turnaround, to see both Ann and Susan, who was visiting with her hubby and boys for a couple of days as well.

(Sisters, only missing Tare-tare!)

This past weekend was spent with some friends at the lake, and we've also enjoyed some time with Paige the past couple of days. She leaves for school in five weeks, so we're enjoying whatever time she can spend with us while she's home.

That's about it, I guess. All is good - busy, but good. Later!

Leaving Home

Well, I'm changing jobs after nine years, and it does feel somewhat like I'm leaving home; I'm definitely taking a giant LEAP out of my comfort zone. I'm not going too far from home- I've taken another position within the health system - but my new job will be very different than what I'm currently doing. The decision to pursue the job was made after much consideration, and a lot of prayer, before and during the entire process.

Interviewing for the job was a bit scary, in part because I hadn't interviewed for anything in years, and also because I really wasn't sure that I wanted to change jobs. That sounds silly, considering that I applied for the job, but I initially found myself with mixed emotions when it came down to interviewing and getting serious about leaving my current position. I have the most amazing group of women that work with me here in our little corner of the health system, and thinking of leaving them was the hardest part of even considering a job change.

My new position will be as a physician practice manager in our system; I will have responsibility for 10-12 physician clinics, which will be a total of 30-40 physicians and all of their staff. The interview process was the clincher for me - I felt like I was interviewing them as much as they were interviewing me (in a good way), just to really make sure it was something I could and would want to do. Of course I had asked a lot of questions in the inital interview with the administrative director, but meeting with the other practice managers helped me to get a feel for the job, and I left the interview thinking that I could definitely see myself in the position. It will be very different from what I'm doing now, but I am up for the challenge and ready for the new experience! And it felt good to know that they thought I was a good fit, too - I was their top choice out of six finalists, and 100+ candidates.

Now I'm in the process of wrapping things up and letting everyone know that I'm leaving, and that's the hard part. I hate to say goodbye to all the committees, coworkers, volunteers and friends that I've made over the last several years, although at least I will still see many of them since I'll still be here in the system.

And, to top it all off, we're leaving for Florida in the morning - I guess it is a good thing to get the vacation in NOW before the new job starts. My last day in my current job is July 9, and then I'll hit the ground running in my new position. I'm looking forward to our time in Florida, will post some pics and updates while we're there.

Cocoon

Power yoga, an hour long, last night. I am far from mastering the poses, but where I am is still amazing for me. Those strrrrretches.... my back is so much more flexible, I can bend so much further than I could when I started. And the way I feel in the days after class, as I can see the results, the lengthening of my body and the leanness and definition in my core that hasn't been there for years. The cycling/cardio has been burning calories and building muscle, but this yoga is the other piece of the puzzle for me, the other half of my weekly physical work.

Another step forward, more growth in the past two years of changes for me... Dave and I were talking about it in the car on the way to the lake this weekend - it has been a little over one year since we've been back together, and that year has been a rebuilding for me and for us. But I can't discount the downhills and the valleys that brought me to that low point in my life- and made me realize some things about myself, and about where I wanted to be... as a wife, a mother and a woman, and to start listening to God and what He wants for my life, instead of just what I think is best for me.

I had to be in that valley, and realize some things about myself and about the relationships I wanted, in order to begin this uphill climb - to say goodbye to some of those comfort zones of my life, to find the strength in myself to learn how to break some patterns - patterns that were easy, but not healthy - emotionally, physically or otherwise. Rebuilding and strengthening my relationship with my spouse, but also rebuilding my relationship within myself - how I deal with me, and finding more of "me"- which in turn improves my relationships with those I love the most.

And now I'm opening up and concentrating on my physical self with this new mindset, and it feels awesome. Exercise for me over the past several years has primarily been me and a book on a cardio machine at the gym or walking outside on the trail near our home. Taking that step to join a class was a turning point - out of my comfort zone, not caring if I look stupid while doing lunges or jumping jacks or whatever as we plow through the obstacle course portion of our cross training class on Monday and Wednesday evenings. Watching my endurance increase each week, as I am able to keep up with the instructor, turn up the resistance on the bike, peddle faster, harder and longer. It feels awesome, and makes me want to do even more - and, it helps me make much better food choices, knowing that I don't want to undo all of the work I've accomplished.

More changes in my life, coming very soon, another comfort zone going by the wayside... more on that in the next couple of days. Time to get up and get ready for Jace's Field Day, which was NOT yesterday, it is actually today! (Oops!)