Sunday, April 5, 2009

Change of Heart

Well, I have some news. News that I have hesitated to blog about because I wasn’t sure how to explain what has happened. I have already shared it with my family and many of my friends, with mostly positive reactions, but more than a few have also expressed their uncertainty. Dave and I have been talking for the past week and a half. We have both been to see a counsellor individually, and we are going to start couples counselling tomorrow to work on things and stay married.

I didn’t expect to be here, to be giving him a second chance, after how much he hurt me. But then again, it is not the Dave that I was dealing with three months ago. I mean, there are still all the good things that I loved, but I can tell he is different, and is already starting and wants to continue to change, for the first time in his life. He is at a point in his life that he has never been before, and it is only because of that that I am willing to try. He and I went to dinner last Sunday night, and he cried after dinner, and several times since then. This from a man who I had never seen cry in the three years we were together. He is more open than I have ever imagined he could be, and wants to be a better person and a better husband. He sent a heart-felt three page email to all of my siblings and my parents, asking for their forgiveness, and for their help in learning how to be a part of our family.

I do believe that he is willing to give 100% and do whatever it takes, but he has said time and time again over the last several days that he knows that actions will speak louder than words and that he will show me if I will just give him the chance. So I will, with some stipulations. We will go to counselling together, and he will be going by himself, too, to work on his issues. He's talked about how he sees that he has always kept people at arm's length, which is one of the things he discussed with the counsellor. He wants to change, and learn how to have a more meaningful relationship with me, with his kids, with my son, and all the others that he loves. And these are things I don't think he would've said or even realized, just a few months ago.

Part of me is hurt and scared, and obviously that is normal. But on the other hand, if he is this willing to change and try again, and I don’t give us a chance, I’m afraid I would always regret it. So, that’s where we are. We went to church together this morning, and he fixed dinner tonight for the two of us. We will be taking things slow, he will not be moving back in yet. Just one step at a time, to start rebuilding our relationship, and giving things a second chance.


Lucas said...

I for one, am proud of you. This is a very, very brave step to take. Marriage is hard work and takes compromises. Bottom line is that if there is a foundation of love, you can get through anything. There will be tears still and more hurt feelings but there will also be love and communication and forgiveness. I wish you the very best on this leg of your journey. May the love the two of you share get you where you want to go. :) Love you both.

Tammy Kirks said...


I've been thinking about you and Dave and wishing you the best. It's never easy to give someone who hurt you a second chance, but I commend you for doing it. Marriage is a lot of hard work and it takes two people to make it a success. I wish you and Dave the best and hope your future together is very happy.

Working Stay-At-Home Mom said...

I love you Nancy and want only the best for you. Only you know what is best for you and so try not to worry to much what others might think.

Your courage to fight for your marriage is admirable. I hope you get to a happy place as soon as possible.

Maybe before you let him move back in you should make him take you back to CSA. Revisit were you started your marriage but this time just the 2 of you.